You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
