So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
