and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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