no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
