In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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