That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Please don't give away my fajitas
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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