I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
