I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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