even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
