Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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