You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
