remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
