ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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