Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
