Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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