We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
