Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
