I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
