i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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