Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
