i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize