I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
