You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
