I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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