Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
