Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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