I cockslap morals
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
