I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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