She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
