Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
