i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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