Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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