I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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