its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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