It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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