i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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