My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
