I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
