Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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