Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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