I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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