everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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