i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
