All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
