Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
