Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
