fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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