My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
