i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
