I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
