He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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