i don't like sucking hair
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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