Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
