just tell him i said nine months
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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