Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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