Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
