i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
my liver is dry heaving
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
