Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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