he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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