who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
