I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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