You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
