Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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